CrapSurfer

Now I don't claim to have invented this past time by any means, but I do feel I am certainly a pioneer for crap surfers everywhere.

I took a great friend of mine surfing a couple of weeks back and the surf was truly pounding, great fun about 6 - 7 feet for 5-6 seconds, I was actually doing quite well, and loving every minute.

My friend on the other hand looked the picture of abject exhaustion and sadness, it was taking him about 15 minutes to get out past the breaks, (No shortcuts here straight through or not at all), and then he would flail his arms at the wrong time to catch the wave, knacker himself out trying, stand up for a nano second as the wave passed, then fall into a heap of afterwave bubbles.

This continued for about 40 minutes by which time it was getting toward low tide, so I figured to raise the spirits of my fallen compardre we would practice in the shallows, standing in waist deep water and jumping in front of these 3 ft to be fair clean but slow waves.

    Unfortunately the waves were too slow to even try standing but they were fast enough to kneel on the board.

        These little gems had enough force to carry you along knees together face forward as upright as you could be for a good 6-7 seconds, so initially we looked like a couple of praire dogs scouting for predators, then we tried striking various body builder poses, eventually we got syncronised enough for the pair of us to go in side by side doing the YMCA twice through.

As you can imagine we looked like an absolute pair of tits but we were pissing ourselves laughing at the stupider and stupider routines we were trying to complete.

There were a couple of people on the beach who seemed to be enjoying this display of shallow water syncronised surf, I wish someone had videoed or photographed it, because as I've mentioned before im about 6'3 and 17 odd stone and my mates not tiny, so the vision of a couple of large guys doing a kneel down YMCA in knee deep surf , must have been pant wetting.

Any way to finish the tale when I got home and the good lady asked me how the surf was? I corrected her and told her I was SMURFING, for some reason I couldnt bring myself to refer to what we'd been doing as surfing, it must be kept seperate and pure.

So anyway if you get the opportunity to assume the prayer position on your board, and pose like the sculpture of a greek god, Do it, Smurf away, keep it pure, and keep it for those of us who aren't doing this to look cool, we're doing it cause its Furkin awsome.

Stay safe out there my fellow sea otters.